Living Large

Tan Lines

Kisses Anyone?

Only a mother could love...

True That

• Barbie's measurements (if she were life-size): 39-23-33
• Coca-cola was originally green
• Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than for the US Treasury
• Smartest dogs: 1) border collie; 2) poodle; 3) golden retriever. Dumbest dog: 1) afghan
• The Hawaiian alphabet has 12 letters
• First novel ever written on a typewriter was "Tom Sawyer"
• There are more collect calls on Father's Day than any other day of the year
• Heinz Catsup leaving the bottle travels at 25 miles PER YEAR
• It is possible to lead a cow upstairs but not downstairs
• Men get hiccups more often than women
• Men can read smaller print than women; women can hear better
• Chances that an American lives within 50 mi of where he/she grew up: 1 in 2.
• Amount American Airlines saved in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first class: $440,000
• City with the most Rolls Royces per capita: Hong Kong
• State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska
• Chances of a white Christmas in New York: 1 in 4
• Portion of US annual rainfall that falls in April: 1/12
• Percentage of Africa that is wilderness: 28
• Percentage of North America that is wilderness: 38
• Estimated percentage of American adults who go on a diet each year: 44
• Percentage of Americans who say that God has spoken to them: 36
• Percentage of Americans who regularly attend religious services: 43
• City with the highest per capita viewership of TV evangelists: Washington DC
• Percentage of American men who say they would marry the same woman if they had it to do all over again: 80
• Percentage of American women who say they would marry the same man: 50
• Percentage of men who say they are happier after their divorce or separation: 58
• Percentage of women who say they are happier: 85
• Number of different familial relationships for which Hallmark makes cards: 105
• Average number of people airborne over the US any given hour: 61,000
• Percentage of Americans who have visited Disneyland or Disney World: 70
• Average life span of a major league baseball: 7 pitches
• Portion of ice cream sold that is vanilla: 1/3
• Portion of potatoes sold that are French-fried: 1/3
• Percentage of Americans that eat at McDonalds each day: 7
• Percentage of bird species that are monogamous: 90
• Percentage of mammal species that are: 3
• Number of US states that claim test scores in their elementary schools are above national average: 50
• Portion of Harvard students who graduate with honors: 4/5
• Chances that a burglary in the US will be solved: 1 in 7
• Portion of land in the US owned by the government: 1/3
• Only President to remain a bachelor: James Buchanan
• Only first lady to carry a loaded revolver: Eleanor Roosevelt
• Only president to win a Pulitzer: John F. Kennedy, for "Profiles in Courage"
• Only president awarded a patent: Abe Lincoln, for a system of buoying vessels over shoals
• President who discovered a new proof for The Pythagorean Theorem: Jimmy Carter
• Only food that does not spoil: honey
• Only bird that can fly backwards: Hummingbird
• Only continent without reptiles or snakes: Antarctica
• Only animal besides human that can get sunburn: Pig
• Ostriches stick their heads in the sand to look for water
• An eagle can kill a young deer and fly away with it
• In the Caribbean there are oysters that can climb trees
• Polar bears are left-handed
• Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair
• Eskimos never gamble
• The world's youngest parents were 8 and 9 and lived in China in 1910
• The youngest pope was 11 years old
• Mark Twain didn't graduate from elementary school
• Proportional to their weight, men are stronger than horses
• Pilgrims ate popcorn at the first Thanksgiving dinner
• Your nose and ears never stop growing
• Jupiter is bigger than all the other planets combined
• The parachute was invented by Leonardo da Vinci in 1515
• They have square watermelons in Japan ... they stack better
• Iceland consumes more Coca-Cola per capita than any other nation

Got Shoes?

Top Moron List

1. WILL THE REAL DUMMY PLEASE STAND UP? AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.

2. WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS: Police in Oakland, CA spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them in the police line, shouting, "Please come out and give yourself up."

3. WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines, wherein the kidnapper proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.

4. THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

5. DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words: "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "that's not what I said!".

6. ARE WE COMMUNICATING??? A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart". "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"

7. NOT THE SHARPEST TOOL IN THE SHED! In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun. Unfortunately, he failed to keep his hand in his pocket. (hellooooooo)!

8. AND THE WINNER IS..... Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, CA, some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22 foot boat, going. It was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power they applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted into a nearby marina, thinking someone there may be able to tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working condition. The engine ran fine the out-drive went up and down, and the propeller was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard. NOW REMEMBER...THIS IS TRUE. Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer!